Some couples decide after years of IVF treatment, that they want to be a parent and that it doesn't matter if the child isn't biologically related to them, so they begin the adoption procedure. Others don't like the idea of IVF to start with, and look into adoption from the moment they are diagnosed infertile.
In the UK it is becoming increasingly common for adopted children to want to know their background and social services encourage birth mothers to make a memory book for them, with photographs of the birth family.
In the US the practice of open adoption is becoming more and more popular.
What Is Open Adoption?
Open adoptions are overseen by private adoption agencies. The birth mother would select the potiential adoptive parents for the baby.
If selected, you would get the opportunity to meet with her in person. Once the baby is born, you would keep in contact, possibly once or twice a year.
This type of arrangement is suited to some infertile couples because they can usually attend all ante-natal appointments with the birth mother and in some cases, even be at their child's birth. It also means the child's full medical history is known, and he is fully aware of his origins, which would avoid some of the emotional problems faced by adopted young adults, searching for their 'roots'.
It still gives you, as the adoptive parents, full parental rights and decision making for the child as once the adoption has been completed, the birth parent's parental rights are terminated in the same way as a traditional adoption.
How Do I Adopt?
Once you have chosen a reputable agency, you will be invited for counselling to make sure you are aware of all the implications of adoption. Your details will be placed on file for birth mothers to look at in their selection process.
Once you are matched to a couple, you will be liable for adoption fees of somewhere around $20,000. This includes the birth mother's fees and her counselling sessions. Please note that she may withdraw from the process at any time prior to the adoption being made final and will not be liable for costs in this event, so there is some element of financial risk to you. This is why counselling is so important for both parties and one of the reasons why an open relationship is beneficial. You can spend time getting to know each other prior to the arrangement going through.
If you live in the US, adoption laws were altered in 2005 so you may be able to get financial help in adopting a child, in the form of the Adoption Tax Credit. $10,390 of the cost may be met by this tax credit, which is subtracted from your tax liability. See www.irs.gov./taxtopics/tc607.html for details.
Depending on your own individual requirements, you may choose to attend ultrasound scans of your adoptive baby, and be present at the birth. The baby will then normally be given to you as soon as he or she is born.
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