How men sometimes get forgotten in the infertility nightmare.
Usually when a couple can't get pregnant, people assume its the woman's problem. Everyone knows that we women have complicated plumbing. So they assume that its a problem with her periods, or ovulation or maybe some uterine disease.
If tests show that it's actually her partner who has the infertility problem, this can create shock and guilt for the man at not being able to get his wife or girlfriend pregnant. Despite advances in our knowledge of infertility and treatment, this is still a stigma for a lot of men. The drive to have a baby is often stronger in women, purely down to biology, and he may feel guilt that he cannot fulfil her drive.
She may secretly harbor resentment at the fact that its 'his' problem, even if she'd never say that outwardly.
During the IVF process, it's the woman who has to undergo the numerous injections, blood tests, scans and invasive internals, as well as putting up with drug side-effects and mood swings. So even if it is a male factor fertility problem, he is often forgotten. All eyes are on her. Friends and relatives question how she's feeling and how she's coping with the IVF procedure, but rarely do people remember him. He has to watch his partner going through painful injections and surgery in their quest to have a baby, knowing that actually there is nothing wrong with her. For many men, this is heartbreaking.
He has to stay strong for her as the drugs mess with her emotions, he has to be her support if the IVF cycle fails. He may be as devastated as her at not being able to have a child, yet the focus is usually on her and whether she has got pregnant this month or not.
I think more should be done to highlight male fertility problems so that they aren't so stigmatised, and that friends and family should try and give the man in their life more TLC too.
